21 October

All week I've been going a little stir crazy. I always know I'm in need of a wee break when I start going stir crazy at work. Today was one of those days where everything annoys you and nothing goes right. I just figured that it was because I'm at the stir crazy point and know that I'm one more day away from a 5 day weekend.

On the way home I realised that today's 21st October. A date that all day I felt there was something more significant about it than it being a Thursday.

12 years ago today I attended the funeral of my best friend. I barely remember it. I remember the church and being pissed off that they kept talking about God and not about Camille - but that's what can you expect from a Catholic funeral for a suicide victim. It was obviously a very traumatic time in my life and as I blogged earlier this week it has effected me much more than I ever thought.
The next day I went to the teacher college to sit my entrance tests. I remember it slightly, but I think I was just doing the best I could with what I had to deal with. I made it in.

21st October is also Camille's parents wedding anniversary. I remember thinking how sad it was that her parents were celebrating their anniversary by burying their daughter. Camille's mother spoke at the funeral, she read a letter that she had written to Camille (after she died) about how much she loved her and what an amazing person she was. My Mum wrote me a similar letter later that week. She told me that she thought it was so sad that Camille's mother didn't do it when she was alive. I've read my Mum's letter once and never since. It makes me too emotional. I still have it and one day I'll be able to read it again.

Today is also my parent's wedding anniversary. Or should have been to be more accurate. If they were still together it would have been 32 years today. But they aren't together. They seperated 3 years ago and divorced earlier this year. I was 26 and so many people assumed that I should be ok with my parents seperating. I'm an adult, they're adults, it's all ok and non-important, right?! Ah, NO! Having your parent's seperate at any age is difficult and I don't think it matters how good the intentions of the parents are - it's going to be difficult. As an adult there's a lot of pressure to be supportive of your parents, to get over it pretty quickly and to be happy for them almost immediately. In my opinion, both of my parents are better off apart and are both leading much happier and better lifes apart than they would have if they had stayed together. But knowing this doesn't make it any easier, or mean I have to like it.

So at the end of today I realise that today probably wasn't going to be an easy day, I just didn't know it this morning. Tomorrow's the 22nd October - I don't think I have any 'issues' with that date. . . that I remember right now.