Have you ever given a Eulogy? I've done it twice now. Once for my Grandfather in 2009 and once this week for my Great Aunt. Both were for elders in my family and as the oldest grandchild I stood up to speak on behalf of the family.
It's always a lot tougher than I think. I don't have a problem writing what I want to say or feel nervous about getting up and speaking in front of everyone. It's the looking out at all the faces and realising that I only know a handful of them and that every single person has their own stories and memories of this special person. Then I feel the pressure to speak honestly and respectfully and tell everyone about the person I knew. And, no one seems to want to laugh at jokes or stories that are funny. I think it's ok to laugh at funerals, the people that we are there to remember were funny, they were happy, we should remember them as such.
This week there were two services held for Maryann. A memorial service was held here in Wellington on Wednesday afternoon (NZ time) in the Lady Chapel at the Wellington Cathedral. The funeral service was held in Mundford, Norfolk on Thursday afternoon (UK time) at the local church (I don't know the name unfortunetly, but I remember it from my visit there in 2008). A third memorial service will be held later this year by the acting community in London. Maryann would have been chuffed at three services and I was particularly touched by how many people attended both services. It's so touching to know that she meant something to all so many people on both sides of the world.
The two Eulogies were written by me (and read at the Wellington service) and my Mum (read by Jason at the Mundford service).
My Eulogy:
Last week our family lost one of our matriachs. Maryann was my Great Aunt. I’m a little sketchy on the medical details, but from what I understand Maryann died after developing a heart condition. It took her life as quickly as it surfaced.
Mum's Eulogy:
Maryann was born in India, her parents were there as her Father Reginald had a job there with BP. They had gone to India in 1929 immediately after their wedding and Maryann’s sister Susie was born there in 1930. It was truly the days of the British Raj. Recently we found my Granny, Kathleen’s, diary from 1936. It was filled with appointment for tennis and ‘tea’ with friends’ . They had a cook, and a nanny for the little girls and no doubt cleaners and so on.
It's always a lot tougher than I think. I don't have a problem writing what I want to say or feel nervous about getting up and speaking in front of everyone. It's the looking out at all the faces and realising that I only know a handful of them and that every single person has their own stories and memories of this special person. Then I feel the pressure to speak honestly and respectfully and tell everyone about the person I knew. And, no one seems to want to laugh at jokes or stories that are funny. I think it's ok to laugh at funerals, the people that we are there to remember were funny, they were happy, we should remember them as such.
This week there were two services held for Maryann. A memorial service was held here in Wellington on Wednesday afternoon (NZ time) in the Lady Chapel at the Wellington Cathedral. The funeral service was held in Mundford, Norfolk on Thursday afternoon (UK time) at the local church (I don't know the name unfortunetly, but I remember it from my visit there in 2008). A third memorial service will be held later this year by the acting community in London. Maryann would have been chuffed at three services and I was particularly touched by how many people attended both services. It's so touching to know that she meant something to all so many people on both sides of the world.
The two Eulogies were written by me (and read at the Wellington service) and my Mum (read by Jason at the Mundford service).
My Eulogy:
Last week our family lost one of our matriachs. Maryann was my Great Aunt. I’m a little sketchy on the medical details, but from what I understand Maryann died after developing a heart condition. It took her life as quickly as it surfaced.
Maryann was the younger sister of my Gran Susie. They spent
their early years in India before getting stuck in England during a visit when
World War 2 started. At age 14 Maryann came to New Zealand with her family when
her father was sent to establish BP here. Maryann made many friends here during
her time in New Zealand, some of whom she kept in touch with and visited while
here this year. Maryann returned to England with her parents after a few years,
leaving Susie behind who’d fallen in love with a good kiwi bloke.
Maryann she was a like a second Gran to us. We saw her every
three or so years when she visited. She was just like Gran, but had a much
stronger British accent.
Maryann lived her life between her roomy London flat and a
small cottage in Mundford, Norfolk. I remember seeing a lot of photos of the
cottage during various seasons growing up. Four years ago I went to England and
spent several nights with Maryann in Mundford. It was a great experience to see
the famed cottage in person and spend a few nights there. Many of Maryann’s nieces their friends and
then her great nieces, great nephews and their friends have all spent their
first few nights at Maryann’s London flat, before travelling onwards. She
wouldn’t pick you up from the airport or take you to the tourist attractions,
but when you’ve just travelled to the other side of the world, having someone
to meet you at the end of the road with a cup of tea and a bed to sleep on it
makes the overseas experience that much more homely.
I was amazed at the field at the bottom of the garden. A
large plot of land that is owned by many families in the area. Maryann owned a
large section of it that she had used for several things. A large part of it
was used as a vegetable plot by Maryann and several local friends. The boy
scouts had their club rooms on the field too. The field is not accessible by
car and therefore will never be good for developers or used to build on. So
what does one do with a large plot of land in the middle of the English
countryside? It had become a family
tradition that should one find themselves in the english countryside one must
Frolick in the Field. Because really, what else do you DO with a field?
Mum, Morgan and I have all frolicked in the field and all
have similar photos. My sister Lee mentioned her sadness at the prospect of now
never having the chance to frolick in the field. However I'm fairly confident
that should any of Maryann descendants ever find themselves in the English
countryside, they merely need to knock on the neighbours door, introduce
themselves and visit the field. Of course once there, you must frolick. It's
tradition after all.
Maryann wouldn’t travel half way round the world for
funerals or for weddings, but she would come to spend a few weeks every three
or so years. When she visited in February of this year she stayed a few nights
with Lexi and Dad in Auckland then came to Wellington to spend the last of the
summer weeks at the beach with Gran and Gill. I went to visit one weekend with
Lee and Dorian. We spent the afternoon walking along the beach and playing in
the sand. I took my favourite photo of her, which is on the cover of the
service booklet. I lay down on the sand to take a photo of the dogs running
towards me. Maryann stood in front of me and bent down to see what I was doing.
She had the goofy smile on her face that I’ll always remember. After saying goodbye she visited Mum in
Australia before heading home to England. We weren’t to know it was the last time
we’d see her, but I’m pleased we saw her not long before she died.
Maryann had attended Drama School in England and while she
did many theatre shows, we knew her as a TV actress. It’s our families claim to
fame. She was in many British shows and had more work after she retired than
before. Most of my friends know her only from a one-off appearance in 'Little
Britian' as one of the old frog ladies. She was in Kingdom with Stephen Fry and
she appeared in shows such as The Bill, Doc Martin and many others. I can't
remember the amount of times that we would get a call to say she was in an
episode of some show and we had to watch. We would, only to have to watch the
next episode because it was actually that episode she was in. And usually it
was for half a minute about ten minutes in, but we would sit and watch the
entire episode just in case she came back. I remember watching an entire
miniseries that was completely horrific because she was in the first episode as
the Grandmother going away on holiday, then the entire drama was about the
horrible things that happened while she was away. In the last episode she came
home at the very end, with open arms getting off the plane. That's how I saw
her most times she came to visit us in New Zealand!
Maryann always had a pet budgie named George. She had George
when she lived in New Zealand and after that she always had a George. She would
teach them to talk and to sit on her shoulder or knee. Some flew away and some
died. Some were around for years and some weren't. One was returned for being a
girl because the girls don’t talk. There was no George the 13th, just George
the one after the 12th. George the 16th died a week before Maryann. While
enjoying a cup of tea with George perched on the rim, Maryann left the room,
only to return to find him head up, drowned in the tea. It's ok to laugh, I
sure did.
The cottage in Norfolk and the London apartment were owned
by my great-grandparents and now they will be sold. The furniture sold or
donated to charity, the field gifted to the local church and her photographs, jewellery
and precious belongings shipped down under. And just like that our small family
will no longer have any roots in England. And that's ok, we're kiwis after all.
I’m sure there is so much more I could tell you
about Maryann, her life and how much she was loved and respected. But the last
thing I have to say is about the thing I’ll miss most. It’s her hands on my
cheeks as she’d give a cheeky little smile and lean in for a kiss and a hug. I
remember it well and always will.Mum's Eulogy:
Maryann was born in India, her parents were there as her Father Reginald had a job there with BP. They had gone to India in 1929 immediately after their wedding and Maryann’s sister Susie was born there in 1930. It was truly the days of the British Raj. Recently we found my Granny, Kathleen’s, diary from 1936. It was filled with appointment for tennis and ‘tea’ with friends’ . They had a cook, and a nanny for the little girls and no doubt cleaners and so on.
In 1939 Kathleen Susie and Maryann were visiting family in
Britain when war broke out. They couldn’t go back to India and Reggie was left there
for the whole of the war. As Kathleen and the girls had no home in the UK they
spent the war staying with various relatives which I’m sure wasn’t always easy.
After the
war Reggie returned and they settled in London. In 1948 Reggie got word
that he was needed by BP to start up the
company in New Zealand. New Zealand?? Where on earth is that? It was as far
away as it was possible to go, 6 weeks on a boat. Maryann has talked to me
about how torn they were to leave England and go to this stage place with
unpronounceable place names.
When they arrived in Wellington they set up
home and one of the first people they met was John Akers who came from the BP
office to help set up the girls’ bicycles. He was of course to marry Susie and
become my Father.
Maryann went to boarding school, in a small
provincial town about 2 hours drive from Wellington. The girls there, from
farming families in provincial New Zealand must have been very different to
Maryann who had already travelled widely and lived through the war in Britain. Maryann always talked about the wonderful
times she had at school and made friends there who she was still seeing when
she was in NZ this year .
After she had finished school she went to
Victoria University in Wellington for a
while, then the family returned to London. Susie stayed on in NZ as she had a
career there and of course, John Akers.
In London Maryann wanted to go to Drama
college. Her father insisted that she also do a secretarial course so that she
had some skills for when the acting bug was over. Of course she never needed to
be a secretary!
Maryann worked in theatre and then
television for the whole of her life from
then on, sometimes working a lot , sometimes with long gaps between
jobs. In NZ we know her work for the snippets we see in UK TV shows. Many of you
will know her stage work as well. Her
work took her all over Britain, and more recently she had parts that took her
to Iceland and To South Africa.
To us she was highly glamorous, working in
lovey places, holidaying in even lovelier places and able to buy cottages that
she renovated, while still enjoying life in London.
Maryann has talked to me about the anguish
she felt at not finding ‘the right
bloke’, marrying and having children. Still, her
life was busy with work, her houses, and
gardens. She was a constant companion for her Mother and they lived and travelled
together. The last time we saw Kathleen , she was 82 and she and Maryann had
come to NZ for the usual 3 yearly holiday.
Maryann always ‘served’ whether it was to
either the church in London or in Norfolk,
the conservative party, or various family members. She was a devoted visitor to her cousin Eileen. When I
talked to her on the phone she would have just been making 400 meringues, or 27
apple pies or 3 knitted eddies or a pile
of little knitted chickens to be sold for the church or conservatives. She was
never idle and kept a huge vege garden which meant she was mostly self sustaining
in veges year around.
She also had a constant stream of Visitors
from New Zealand and many of my generation and
my children and their friends visited and stayed or based them selves in
Marloes road for a few days or weeks. Everyone remembers Maryann as a
quintisential art of their UK trip. Some
of us also came to Mundford to see where
the family came from, visit the graves of Kathleen and Reggie and an essential
part of our trip was always to ‘ frolick ‘ in
the field with the obligatory photograph to immortalise the event .
Her constant companion was her budgie
George. Actually I think she was up to about George 16th. Its hard to keep count. George died a week before
Maryann did. He was standing on the rim of her cup drinking from her tea, when
he toppled in and drowned while she was out of the room. Its OK to laugh, we
did. How fortunate that we didn’t have to find a new home for George .
In February this year Maryann embarked on
her 3 yearly pilgrimage to NZ. She did a 5 day tour of Cambodia on the way, stopped in Auckland
to see Lexi and Terry then had 3 weeks
in Wellingotn with Susie, Gill, Heather, Lee and Morgan and met her great great nephew Dorian. She then came to see me in
Australia for 5 days, and meet my partner Wayne. She was fit and strong and on the last day she
walked to the beach 3 times for quick
dip in the sea. None of us had any
inkling that we wouldn’t see her again.
Just a few weeks later she developed a heart condition which lead to the multi system
failure that she died of. The last few months really emphasised to us how fit
and healthy she has been all her life.
Through the last few months Maryann has ben
faithfully cared for by Jason Taylor and Mary Sweeny who visited her, and were
working behind the scenes on some of the tricker issues like funding for
treatment, and communication with the Doctors. All of this was carefully
relayed to us in NZ, thank heaven for E
mail.!
It was an enormous comfort to us, and would
have been for Maryann too, that Mary was with her for the last day and with her
when she died. Maryann Loved Mary and would have known she was loved right up to the end.
Jason has worked wonders in arranging this
funeral and in starting to arrange the future of Maryann’s houses and so on. The family are eternally grateful to May and Jason for
all they have done.
Maryann was very very special to me, we had
a close bond that nothing could change. I miss her terribly already and look
forward to the day that I can come to England stand stand beside her grave
myself.
Thank you so much for coming today to say
goodbye to Maryann. It is good to celebrate the wonderful life she had, and its
Ok to feel sad and a sense of loss. I will miss her forever and she will always
be ‘My Maryann’
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